


Yes, Loki

by Eternal_Love_Song



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 14:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1714604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Love_Song/pseuds/Eternal_Love_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, Loki." Two words that destroyed Loki's will to fight. Two words that made him let go. Two words. But what if Odin hadn't spoken those two words as his sons dangled off the edge of the bifrost. What if Odin had understood. "Yes, Loki."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes, Loki

There was a roaring around his ears as the space below him stretched and called out. It wasn't reaching, and yet, it was. The gravity pulling on him, in a sense, as he dangled from the end of Gungnir, staring up into Thor’s wide, frightened eyes. That wasn't where his focus lay, however. There was only one person that he could look at right now. Only one person that he felt he needed to explain himself.

Loki looked up to Odin’s face. Stern, but with hints of concern as he held tight to Thor. The man that he would have as a father, if only he were allowed. The man that had lied to him, stolen him, falsified all that Loki was by a single lie of, ‘ _You are my son_.’ Loki would forgive all that, though. He would forgive. Because it wasn't Odin he was truly angry at, despite the lie.

No, Loki was angry at Loki. It was Loki who had been unworthy all this time and he had never known _why_. He had never known why he was different from all the others in Asgard; _why_ he was not brave, or good, or valiant as was Thor; **_why_** he could not take longer than a second’s step into the light before Thor did something that, once again, cast him in shadow. All he had known was that despite that, he was loved— _liked_ \-- by at least a precious few. That his blood had afforded him the loyalty and patient acceptance by at least a precious few.

But that was a lie. That was the lie that hurt him. That he was not, actually, afforded anything. It was a trick. It was a lie. Thor didn't know, and once he did, that was the end. Thor didn't know, but he would strike Loki down as soon as he did. All the hurt he caused Loki in jest would become _real_ , would turn malicious when he found out the truth.

Odin had known, though. Had known that Loki was filth, born of beast, made of ice and cold and therefore incapable of the love that was heaped onto Thor. Loki would betray Odin and so Odin did not afford him love. And Loki knew, he just _knew_ , if he could prove himself to the All-father, he could be given whatever good will he had built up during his innocent, ignorant years and it would turn to love.

Desperate. Wanting. Desperate and Wanting and Needing to make it all not a lie, to make it real, again, he yelled. He yelled to the All-father, a heart felt plea, perhaps more truth than anything Loki had ever spoken. Because everything Loki had spoken while he was under a lie became a lie, as well, and so this is the first chance he has had for truth.

“I could have done it, father!” Loki yelled, all his focus on Odin’s gaze. He couldn't look at Thor. Couldn't look into those bright blue pleading eyes that were, as of yet, unaware that they no longer loved Loki. He just needed this one thing. He just needed Odin to know his true heart this one time. Odin saw the actions that Loki had taken as he slept and he had to know that Loki would betray every drop of blood in his veins if this lie could just be truth. He _needed_ Odin to **_know_**. “I could have done it… For you!” And then, because Loki was selfish and his heart ached to have the other promises that he had been teased with, begged for them with a force only secondary to that of needing Odin’s truth, Loki added, “For all of us.”

Thor didn't know that he didn't love Loki anymore. But there was a lot that Thor didn't know, so perhaps… perhaps… And Frigga… he couldn't bare to think of Frigga. There was no reason that he could think of for his mother’s love to be a lie for him. There was no reason that he could think of for it to be truth.

Odin met Loki’s eyes full on. Meeting those desperate eyes, seeing that broken heart, _hearing_ all that Loki was saying. And when was the last time someone had listened to Loki? Odin clutched at Thor tighter, keeping them both from falling, and said, perhaps a bit more quietly than he should have, “Yes, Loki. I understand.”

And Loki **broke**.

A wretched sob broke free of Loki’s body as tears flooded from his eyes. The relief was almost too much, too raw. He flung his other arm up to grab hold of Gungnir, to cling to that which bridged him and his family. He clung. Slowly, trying not to let his strength wane with the force of his emotions, Loki slowly pulled himself up until he could reach the place where Thor’s hand gripped the spear.

Thor didn’t know that he didn’t love Loki anymore. The relief and desperate happiness on Thor’s face nearly matched Loki’s own as his brother reached with his other hand to clutch at Loki. Loki had never been so glad that there was something that Thor didn’t know.

Odin pulled them in.

No one fell off the Bifrost.

Thor pulled Loki into his arms as they both wept, Thor’s arms trembling as they held tight to Loki. Thor didn’t know that he didn’t love Loki anymore. Thor might never know that he didn't love Loki anymore. And in that, couldn’t that mean that Thor would always love Loki? Couldn’t that mean that Thor would _always_ love _Loki_. He didn’t know, but there was so much that Thor didn’t know that Loki knew for him. This… This could be okay.

Odin fell to his knees and pulled both his sons into his arms, pressing his face into Loki’s hair. Tears were flowing from Odin as well and Loki could not remember a time when he had ever seen his father cry. “You didn’t have to do it, boy,” Odin whispered into Loki’s hair.

“Father,” Loki said, and it came out so **_broken_** , his voice breaking in the middle of the word. And he **_clung_**. Desperate. Wanting. Needing. He clung to them and he sobbed again. “Father.” Because Odin knew and he kept Loki anyway. Odin _knew_ and he had, just this once, listened, and he **heard** Loki, and he **saw** Loki, and Loki was kept anyway.

“Foolish, boy.” Odin whispered, sobbing, clinging just as tightly. Because he wanted to _keep_ Loki. Because Frigga wasn’t here to make him, though Loki still could not work out why she might or might not do so, and Thor didn’t know that he had to make Odin do anything, and Odin would keep Loki anyway. Loki was being **kept**. Loki was being **loved**. Loki was being wanted. These precious few he had been afforded would keep Loki and Loki was so desperate to be kept, even before he knew he had reason to be thrown away. “My foolish, son.”

 _'Son_.' That one words spoke of being loved and wanted, being kept and claimed. That one word was, ‘ _Loki, you are **loved**_.’

“Father,” Loki said again. Thor’s hand was on the back of Loki’s neck, bidding Loki look into those tearful eyes. Thor smiled, grateful that he got to keep Loki, not knowing his claim had ever been in danger. Thor would never know that he did not love Loki. Broken, smiling, Loki said, “Brother.” And it was okay. It was all okay.

 _'Yes, Loki,_ ' and it was all okay.

But Odin did not say, ‘ _Yes, Loki._ ’

Odin did not see Loki, did not hear Loki, did not listen to Loki.

Odin had not kept Loki.

Odin said, “No, Loki.”

And Loki let go.


End file.
